I took today off in order to give myself time to prepare for a very painful 2 1/2 weeks of surgery. While I bleach my sheets and scrub my tub, I’m also trying to nurse a cough. If it is not one thing it is another, right?
As I sat here post lunch salad looking out of our back French door, I felt the need to sort of think about where I am, what is happening, and what to expect in the future. It seems silly to even consider issues with this surgery, but the truth it, is can have some life-changing complications.
Even though this looms over my head, I feel such an enormous amount of peace about it. (Which is so not like me!) I spent most of last weekend in a panic – worried about this and worries about that. I had one of those gut wrenching cries where you are praying and gasping for air at the same time because you aren’t just crying, you are ugly crying.
Even as I sucked in the air between wails, one word kept returning – Trust. Almost as if someone kept whispering it to me.
When I sit and think about it, that is the issue that is at the center of all of this: My lack of control over a situation and learning to trust. In my case, that would be trusting God.
Once I let go and to sound entirely cliche, I let God, I was able to release the pent up anxiety and worry. Now – I’m just ready to get it over with.
I hope to spend some time over the next two weeks writing again. I used to start my day with a blog post and I never missed a day. Those days have passed and I want to bring them back. I know, I know… I always promise. But that’s okay. It is a goal and I’ll work toward it.
So tomorrow is the big fisulotomy with a fisula plug. Woo hoo! Let’s fix this chronic problem, pray for no complications, and get me home relaxing and healing!