Surgery Eve

I took today off in order to give myself time to prepare for a very painful 2 1/2 weeks of surgery. While I bleach my sheets and scrub my tub, I’m also trying to nurse a cough. If it is not one thing it is another, right?

As I sat here post lunch salad looking out of our back French door, I felt the need to sort of think about where I am, what is happening, and what to expect in the future. It seems silly to even consider issues with this surgery, but the truth it, is can have some life-changing complications.

Even though this looms over my head, I feel such an enormous amount of peace about it. (Which is so not like me!) I spent most of last weekend in a panic – worried about this and worries about that. I had one of those gut wrenching cries where you are praying and gasping for air at the same time because you aren’t just crying, you are ugly crying.

Even as I sucked in the air between wails, one word kept returning – Trust. Almost as if someone kept whispering it to me.

Trust.

When I sit and think about it, that is the issue that is at the center of all of this: My lack of control over a situation and learning to trust. In my case, that would be trusting God.

Once I let go and to sound entirely cliche, I let God, I was able to release the pent up anxiety and worry. Now – I’m just ready to get it over with.

I hope to spend some time over the next two weeks writing again. I used to start my day with a blog post and I never missed a day. Those days have passed and I want to bring them back. I know, I know… I always promise. But that’s okay. It is a goal and I’ll work toward it.

So tomorrow is the big fisulotomy with a fisula plug. Woo hoo! Let’s fix this chronic problem, pray for no complications, and get me home relaxing and healing!

Lord Have Mercy

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Confession: I have flaws. Lots of flaws. In particular, one BIG character flaw: I can’t keep my mouth shut when I am angry.

Boy oh boy, do I have a temper.

I’m also what you might call confrontational. 

con·fron·ta·tion·al
ˌkänfrənˈtāSH(ə)n(ə)l/
adjective
tending to deal with situations in an aggressive way; hostile or argumentative.
“he distanced himself from the confrontational approach adopted by his predecessor”

Now, I don’t go looking for a fight. Never, ever. If you met me, you would say I have a lot of energy and I’m very passionate. I will smile and laugh with you in one minute and look at you and put you in your place the next.

I always did say, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.”

I do, however, handle my business. That means, if you’ve got something to say that insults, demeans, or in any way defames me, you better believe I won’t just take it sitting down.

Some might even call me scrappy.

Once I get a whiff of an aggressive action against me, I’m like a dog with a bone.

Case in point: This whole partisan crap taking place. Everything from kneeling during the anthem to whether or not some random guy should be the next Supreme Court judge. What I have witnessed is: A. If you consider yourself conservative, you may have thought the football players were being disrespectful to the Flag & America. B. If you are more liberal, you may have seen this as a way for these citizens to use their Constitutional right with Freedom of Speech & Expression.

Or

A. If you are conservative you may have assumed Dr. Ford was lying about her alleged sexual assault. or B. If you are liberal you may have thought Kavanaugh was a liar.

Regardless of where you fall with either of these categories, your truth and understanding is your reality. I am not here to play judge and jury.

And I would expect the same from others.

This past weekend, I randomly decided to check out my Twitter account. I hardly ever post there (on purpose.) Most of my FB posts, if made public, automatically post there, so it is sort of self-maintained without me having to do anything. On Friday night, I began checking my notifications and kept seeing I was retweeted to several dozen times by people arguing about something. I thought to myself, “Why was I being brought into something?”

I found the original response, and it was to a photo I posted. It was about the freedom to express yourself. It was a non-partisan, objective… in essence, “Chill Out” pic. Why? My Twitter feed was full of angry people with extreme opinions.

The response came from a local businessman, which I have actually paid quite a bit of money to for handling an ailment I had. This person works in the medical field. He basically tweeted to me, “You are stupid” “I should move my ass to another country” and “If I couldn’t afford it, he could help me out.”

Huh. Is that right?

I’ve got a few problems with this and I will begin with the facts:

  1. I don’t care if you are a private business owner or a public servant, just because you can put someone one blast does not mean you should. A difference of opinion is fine, but attacking someone publicly is a big no-no.
  2. You definitely lost a customer/patient and I assure you, I will not send anyone your way. And yes, people ask me all of the time for recommendations.
  3. Contrary to what you may believe, I’m actually highly intelligent. Don’t let the smiles, laughter, and energy f00l you.
  4. I believe I have a right to believe what I want to believe, as you have a right to believe what you want to be. We are both Americans. I love my country. My father served in the military during Vietnam, as well as his brothers and sister-in-law. My grand father fought in WWII. My cousin was a Judge at Nuremberg, and put away the Nazis…. so don’t tell me I don’t love my country. Do your homework first. I’d be willing to put my American service family tree up against yours any day.
  5. I don’t feel the need to live in another country, but thanks for the suggestion. I’ve had multiple opportunities, and I chose to stay home.
  6. As for a plane ticket that I could or could not afford… sweet heart, I can afford a lot more than you realize. Thanks for the offer for the free ticket, hell… didn’t I already pay for that ticket? I believe so, to you for services. So really, you should be thanking me.

 

Woosah.

As you can tell, I’m more than appalled at the behavior I have witnessed. I am silently watching and definitely taking note of who I am dealing with. I vote. I also vote with the almighty American Dollar.

People: Be kind to one another. Stop attacking people because you have a different opinion than them. Would you say these things to their face? Do you know the reason they feel and vote the way they do? What has life put in their way?

I feel sorry for this person. Some how, the little innocent image of free expression stirred something in him that challenged him.

Also, I am a firm believer that when someone becomes angry and they “step up” to you, well, that’s where their respect for you ends.

I’m angry, Mr. Man and my respect for you is no longer.

PEOPLE – GET OUT AND VOTE. EVEN IF WE DISAGREE. JUST DON’T BASH PEOPLE FOR USING THEIR FOREFATHER-CONSTITUTIONAL-GIVEN-RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH.