Atelophobia & Other Disasters

I’m embarking on my first writing prompt. Let’s see how it goes (and whether or not I can pull it into anything going on in my life these days…)

What Scares You?

That’s the question on the table. I sort of laughed when I read it, considering I am a certified sufferer of Panic Disorder. What am I scared of? What am I not scared of.

As a child, I believe my greatest fear was probably losing my parents and not having any friends.

Hmm.. as I write that sentence, not much has changed. I’m older now, as are my parents, and for the first time ever, that is a legitimate concern. As for not having any friends, yes.. I am currently in a unique position where I am sort of going through that. But I’m not afraid at all.

I think that is the difference. I’m older and I’m wiser. The fact is, my relatives are all getting older. And yes, though I hate to even consider it, one day they will pass on. But this is life. We all have to face great loss at some point. As for friendships… easy come, easy go.

Moving to a new community was a genuine concern of mine. Not really knowing what to expect with the new job, new rural/farm life. But I’m not scared.

I think at the end of the day, my greatest fears are sort of… typical. I fear sickness. I fear great loss (fire, flood, death..) and I fear not living my life to the fullest. Which brings me to where I am today.

I don’t want to be afraid. Unfortunately, when life was handing out crosses to bear, as it turns out, Panic Disorder would be one of mine. The good news is – it’s not going to kill me, and it rarely rears its ugly head. The fear of being afraid is what has held me back in the past, however, in the future, there is no room for it.

I have learned over the years how to simply let things go. I know when to take a breath and I know when to take some time for myself. I have a list of hobbies and vacation spots I still need tackle, and I know, without a doubt, my new life is full of amazing surprises around every corner. Heck, just this morning an egret scared me half to death when I opened the cabin door to leave. Its majestic white wings flapped so gracefully across the pond, and I just stood there will my mouth hanging open. Once I relaxed enough, I became mesmerized by the dancing dragonflies going this way and that.

You see? It’s all good.

What should I be legitimately be afraid of?

And I ask you – what are you scared of?

 

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